LoveBox Responses

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Love is an interesting state of mind. I mean. I don’t really know what love is, and tend to misuse it. Or maybe it's because people reinterpret so much magic and mysticism. Like it was “the thing”. I’m not sure I make a real distinction between loving and liking. The borders are unclear to me, and I always change opinions. I broke the heart of some people and I got mine broken too… but in a way it’s never “that” bad. I tend to go from one person to the other. Just for fun. I like them for different reasons, and some are only for sex. Some I don’t really know why I’m with them, I’m not attired by them, nor the sex is good. I guess I don’t know… I realized recently that one of my good friends was deeply in love with me. But I didn’t realized at that time. I think I was in love with her too. But didn’t know how to share this love and I think that’s why we never ended up together. I do think it’s better though…. I would have been bad if we were not friends anymore because of this love affair. Our lives would have been way different! I don’t know how to feel about this now… I miss her. And I hardly have news from her. Maybe we would have traveled together. We were muse to one another and I miss this ant. I miss the poetry I wrote to her and I miss the project we inspired to another. I see now, that she influenced me a lot. That I make things and know it comes from her. The way I wear things, the way I walk in the streets… sometimes. She was so strong regarding to other people, making stuff “normal” people would never do. And this made me strong. I admire her, and I know she does fro me. This strength helps us to make so much stuff now. I think that was the best gift we could give to one another. Now I miss her. 

She’s now with a man, in another country, so far. 

And I see other people like I always did. I never really realized that we were in love so I was always dating (not always but often) with someone ..

And now I’m still always going on with people. But I don’t want any “real” relationship or attachment to someone. I feel like it’s taking away my freedom. 

I don’t feel free when I’m in relationship. I feel like I’m losing myself.

So instead, I go from someone to another, but avoid to attach to someone. Just loving them, knowing that I will never “fall in love” with them. Some still drive me crazy… Actually there’s three guys, they remind me to each others, I associate them to one another, and they drive me crazy! And I don’t know them much, one is in Canada, one in Berlin and one in Prague (but he’ll be back in Berlin next year (But I change a lot in one year!) so it’s kind of funny! And nothing happened with any of them. Except some kind of attraction… They interest me and I think I interest them. Life is funny! and I#m in two “relationships” with older men (they are 20 years older than me). And I don’t know why. Ok. With one it’s only sex, but we do hold hands when we walk in the streets (it makes me laugh, like “what the fuck is this shit?”) With the other one it’s different. I do like it though, and if I had to choose between both, it would be him. I don’T know how my future will go, specifically with the last one, this love is more romantic and I’m scared to break with him. But I hope that I will have more intimacy with hose two young guys, I feel a difference between older men and younger.. i don’t know what I prefer… It’s different. Maybe I would like to love in relation with an old and a younger at the same time… And maybe with woman too… It’s hard when you like every kind of people. That’s my life, love struggle. End.

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I love. I love a lot. I am in love with one guy, for more than 2 years. We met at work, in the theatre. I was always checking if we have a shift together. When we had, I was so happy to see him. We have been talking a lot, smoking cigarettes… but I wasn’t sure if he likes me. We became friends. He is a musician and I am a dancer. We set-up one project together. We went to perform to Cambridge, UK. We spent plenty of time together. One evening, we went out and he took my hand. He came close with his face to mine. He told me, I am his fairytale. I really wanted to kiss him. He wanted it too, I could feel it. He looked to my eyes and told me that he love me so much as a friend that he can’t start something more with me. And he doesn’t want to love me. Then we kiss. I will remember this kiss… hopefully forever. Then we walked in the night as a couple. Next day, he repeated me that he wants me “just” as a friend. 

Since this time we are just friends. Every time I see him, I want to kiss his face and touch his hair. He is so beautiful, kind and tender. But he is really distant. Just friends. He doesn’t want to be alone with me.

You know, I could understand, if he would have said clearly “no”! but he didn’t. And I can feel, he is interested in me. That’s the worst. To don’t know…. I’m just so thankful for him being in my life for a moment.. That’s enough. But everytime I see him...

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I want to live in a relationship. I want to connect with this one person, even if it takes time. There must be something with this person that can only exist with this person. A journey, which happens together, grows and on which new common goals are found again and again. At least in the will, whether it is feasible, it always turns out later." Wilder Heinz

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I'm 22 years old, female. What is love anyway? Am I capable of truly loving? Love is so often associated with selfish motives. 

There is someone I like very much, a man I met two years ago. But actually I am still getting to know and love myself. I want to continue to be with him, but also have other sexual experiences with other people. Whether we will find a way together for the moment is still unclear... I am incredibly grateful for everything, because I can gather experiences and grow from them. Persephone

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I'd like to live a polygamous form of love. I have only lived monogamously so far. I would like to have a relationship, but I would also like to be allowed to pursue my longings and infatuations ... I long for security and freedom, but that proves to be complicated ... However, I think that with enough stability in detail such a relationship can succeed. I love me.

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I love my guru and I can see all the alarm bells go off on that sentence. Everything I am today I am through his love, his unconditional acceptance and my radical love for him. It is the most intimate and innocent love ever. I follow him because he is my heart. He is love. It is the greatest grace that I have received that he has found me. My life is the life of a modern nun who unconditionally follows the call of her longing for God. Derotee

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For a long time I was convinced that I had to find the perfect love and live with it in eternal fidelity, to relive what was shown to me in the idealized relationships of relatives and acquaintances (I only grew up with my mother without proper contact with my father). And yet I had to realize that I always failed to live up to my expectations and those of my partners. So there was always a pressure on me, I was not enough, I was unable to love or I simply had no "luck". But when I recall the relationship or talk to old partners, I realize that I have loved and still love, for these people I often feel overwhelmed by this oppressive term "relationship" because I thought I had to meet certain norms and fulfill them. Love has no norm, no rule, no system. It is a feeling that fills the body, invigorates the mind, numbs the senses, makes the hands tremble and robs you of words. It brings joy, hurts, tears you apart and can heal you - but it doesn't have to do anything. To know that love is free, unbound by gender or norms, has given me new strength, has helped me to break out of conservative structures and has given me a new joy of life. Lululu

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2011. A love where there was no room for public display. A secret love, black and white and yet colourful. One look and one more. A discreet touch, involuntary, that ignited a fireworks display in my whole body. Sweet secrets between us while between strangers and friends we were only two of many. I was yours and only the one who didn't look missed the fire that blazed and sprayed its sparks up to heaven. Longing for you in the room where there was no public display of our love. Susella

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I love my partner intensively, my children infinitely and without limitation. I love my partner's daughter as much and as freely as my own children. For me there are many different kinds of love. Love for good, homemade, elaborate food. Love for happy people, friends and time together. I have come to know different forms of love in my life. I had a dependency relationship with my ex-husband and child father. An unsightly and sickening love. An attempt of holding and forcing. It was my first love. Unfortunately a painful, instructive experience. I learned a lot and set completely different standards in my new relationship and experienced a fulfilled and friendly love. In the beginning with much fear and restraint on my part. But our love and affection, that which unites us and holds us together, soon taught me better. I unintentionally have a kind of long-distance relationship. To put it nicely, I lead a life in two cities. I commute to Dresden for love, here I feel loved and safe. Here I experience love and affection, warmth and security. Unconditionally!

Then I still have life with my children in Leipzig. In the week change between my ex-husband and me. Since my children are of school age and attend primary school in Leipzig, I have no other choice.

This kind of relationship puts me under a lot of strain. Because in the weeks with children I miss the man at my side and in the weeks with my life partner I miss my children. I would like to have everything together. Under one roof. Everything in my head is still designed according to the old-fashioned family concept, which puts me under a lot of strain and often makes me sad. But unfortunately I cannot find a solution (that satisfies me).

I cannot imagine a life without my love. Love that I can give in the form of affection, physically and mentally! During sex and simply with closeness and touch, with being there and listening. To be there for each other and to love and hold each other, to make the time together as beautiful as possible and to spend it. Verena Paul

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I’m angry with love. It made me believe I was safe and everything was fine, that everything that happened was ok and it was never ok. And this bastard boy took his way into my life and he gave very little back. It didn’t mean it was bad. It wasn’t a bad thing it was a thing that was beautiful at the time and then it was just easy and then it was hard. It was not good. It was bad but it was still a part of me, that happened. I love you. I’m dating other people but moving on is hard. lalong

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I do not have a love. I have a THING. This thing lies between us two and we take care about it. We are letting it rise and trying to make a safe timespace zone. Then we keep that thing do what it wants to do, share what it wants to share, touch what it wants to touch. We are kissing through it, we are touching through it. Sometimes we are covered by it. I hope it stays with us for some time. ACH

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Love for me was fear. Fear of myself and a fear of being alone. I fell in love when I was 19 with a boy who was shaky and stereotypical, shadows under his eyes. It was more deep sharing of intimacy, something that I gonged on and that I still crave. It’s hard to not be in “love. To love yourself instead. The person I loved took and took and took and I mistook sex for love. He thought the same as me and I thought it was enough but it wasn’t. We shouldn’t need that intimacy but we do and he loved the escape of obligation and I loved the idea of him and it fell apart down and down like wet paper. lulo

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Online dating… I found my current partner there. It was unexpected and delightful, because it’s also my first free relationship, where I also feel free to do whatever I want. That, in itself, makes my love for him even more intense, because it reminds me every time of how great he is, how he’s the only one to make me feel this...love. AMBRE PETITCOLAS

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fuck love. fuck everything that has to do with it. It’s an illusion that means you get hurt. I hope we all find a pure form of it but so far I don’t see hope.

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The love I live has given me a lot of happiness and pain so far. I have learned so much through it about myself and my fears and needs. One of the insights I have gained is that I am a fighter, a giving, intense fighter. Again and again I decide to self-reflect and adapt my approach and stand up for my happiness and satisfaction.

I have also realized that the only thing safe in a relationship is how I see myself and deal with myself. This is crucial for the image my partner has of me, but I cannot control or even control how my counterpart feels, thinks, I cannot. No matter how hard I try or wish for something. 

And to see that as quality and as something strong, mature, something that I can actually influence, that's what I've learned. kmaedchen

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If I love, I want all the best for the other AND being in a good loving contact with myself. Supira

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I’m angry with love. It made me believe I was safe and everything was fine, that everything that happened was ok and it was never ok. And this bastard boy took his way into my life and he gave very little back. It didn’t mean it was bad. It wasn’t a bad thing it was a thing that was beautiful at the time and then it was just easy and then it was hard. It was not good. It was bad but it was still a part of me, that happened. I love you. I’m dating other people but moving on is hard.” lalong

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I do not have a love. I have a THING. This thing lies between us two and we take care about it. We are letting it rise and trying to make a safe timespace zone. Then we keep that thing do what it wants to do, share what it wants to share, touch what it wants to touch. We are kissing through it, we are touching through it. Sometimes we are covered by it. I hope it stays with us for some time. ACH

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Love for me was fear. Fear of myself and a fear of being alone. I fell in love when I was 19 with a boy who was shaky and stereotypical, shadows under his eyes. It was more deep sharing of intimacy, something that I gonged on and that I still crave. It’s hard to not be in “love. To love yourself instead. The person I loved took and took and took and I mistook sex for love. He thought the same as me and I thought it was enough but it wasn’t. We shouldn’t need that intimacy but we do and he loved the escape of obligation and I loved the idea of him and it fell apart down and down like wet paper.” lulo

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Online dating… I found my current partner there. It was unexpected and delightful, because it’s also my first free relationship, where I also feel free to do whatever I want. That, in itself, makes my love for him even more intense, because it reminds me every time of how great he is, how he’s the only one to make me feel this...love. AMBRE PETITCOLAS

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fuck love. fuck everything that has to do with it. It’s an illusion that means you get hurt. I hope we all find a pure form of it but so far I don’t see hope.

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The love I live has given me a lot of happiness and pain so far. I have learned so much through it about myself and my fears and needs. One of the insights I have gained is that I am a fighter, a giving, intense fighter. Again and again I decide to self-reflect and adapt my approach and stand up for my happiness and satisfaction.

I have also realized that the only thing safe in a relationship is how I see myself and deal with myself. This is crucial for the image my partner has of me, but I cannot control or even control how my counterpart feels, thinks, I cannot. No matter how hard I try or wish for something. 

And to see that as quality and as something strong, mature, something that I can actually influence, that's what I've learned". kmaedchen

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If I love, I want all the best for the other AND being in a good loving contact with myself”, Supira

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‍I love women both as a feminist and as a lesbian and I think it’s beautiful. Love between women in all forms is a big “Fuck you!” to patriarchy, to all men who take it for granted that our lives should revolve around them. Solidarity, sisterhood and dyke power forever!

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Love and being in love are different for me. When I am in love, my body tickles, I feel a shiver running down my spine when I see the person or think of her/him, I have a constant grin on my lips and I am there and somehow not there. Everything in me longs for closeness and attention of the other person. And I am ready to give quite a lot, to give, to accept. 

But when I love someone, it feels like "one level lower". Not always tingling, not always goose bumps, but a feeling of belonging, an inner peace, because "I am not alone" and "I can leave myself". But love also makes you vulnerable... huge heart opening, emotional dependence, falling in love or forgetting yourself next to the other - are some of the "risks" that love brings. Although actually it is not love itself that brings these risks, but our inner fears, our head that sparks in between. If I can stay completely in the love feeling, there are no fears, no threats, no lack feeling. Love is all-embracing... Love is the radiant, inner core of each individual...our inner Buddha.

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We're lonely, but we're afraid of proximity.  - Sometimes I feel that way. Then it costs me overcoming to reveal softness and vulnerability. But in some moments this is completely ok, even necessary. There is a real closeness and distance to every person and moment.

We enter into a new intimacy with machines. To love a robot will be as normal as to love a human being. - This is unthinkable for me and the idea is depressing.

Do you love differently? How do you love? - From day to day I love all kinds of things differently or at least my experience is different.

What was the craziest thing you did for love? - To betray myself.

What is missing in your personal love life? - Trust in the sense that I don't always feel subliminal suspicion and my questioning brain treacherously jumps into my back. My partner is very trusting, but it is difficult for me to acknowledge that.

What do you long for? - For belonging, for a home.

What do you associate with your first love? - My first love for another person who wasn't one of my friends and family was my first everything. Everything from that point of view. The whole romantic relationship stuff.

What hurts you in a love relationship? - I myself in the fight with all kinds of inner things and rough words, snideness to be repelled.

Have you ever lived a contactless love? What nourishes contactless love? - What is that, contactless love? For me the most likely is the love of life, but we are constantly in contact with it. Without contact no feeling, no love - for me at least.

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Trust, intimacy & familiarity, mixed with openness and curiosity! I miss presence and present, hope for future & Freeburg. You can never trust anybody, love via what’s app sucks!!

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Love is when you let go of all your boundaries. You lose control and enjoy the state of being easy to feel. To let go of everything. The feeling of being in love does not let you go and you want to hold on to the moment and not stop smiling every time you think of the person and see them. On the other hand, love is also an emotion/feeling/state that can cause infinite pain, so that sometimes you wish you could stop feeling, stop being.

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Me and my wife have been married for 5 years and together for 11 years (when you're 30, that seems a very long time). About 6 years ago we started talking about polyamory for some reason. The topic came up from time to time; for no reason. Then after approx. 3 years my wife got to know a Polish guy in the Internet by chance. They fell in love and became (also) a couple. Since we talked about it a lot before, it wasn't a big topic, but it was funny in the beginning. I wasn't jealous, but it disturbed me somehow. When he came to visit, I realised what my problem was: I was afraid that he would treat my wife badly or hurt her somehow. I met him and he's really cool! (Why would my wife choose someone stupid?). Since then it's not a problem anymore. Since 3 years there are three of us in a poly-relationship and I am glad that he is there. Whenever she talks to him she is so happy afterwards and the time is much nicer with her. And isn't it most important that those we love are happy? If then a third person becomes happy, everything is perfect!

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A question: what does 'love differently' mean? Is a funny question - there are billions of people in the world - isn't that why there are billions of kinds of love? That's why every love is different, isn't it? I'm experiencing something very strange right now: I met my first great love again - after almost 30 years. Now all those things seem possible that seemed impossible in our youth, because we have grown older, more understanding, more unfolding - and because we had to miss each other for so long. Now I want to 'grow old' with him. A gift - somehow - I very much hope that this works out! Inferno.

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I love often. I love all forms of relationships.  I live open relationships.I associate with my first love romanticism. I experience love and sex in different positions. I don’t live in a relationship.  My ideal relationship is with lots of understanding and freedom. I wish that we communicate in a good way.  I’m 43 years old. The craziest thing I did for love was that I had a kid.From all the relations I had no one is less important than the other.  I had a broken heart.

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I love differently to my partners. I love heterosexual love. My first love was when I was 12 years old. I am single. My ideal relationship would be a person sharing similar ethics and values and an active person with an own opinion. I can love many people. But sex is more difficult with many women at the same time - that would stress me. I feel my moral to tell me not to do that. I am sad that I was together with maybe 12-15 women so far (44y.). Some left me, some I left -and so much pain created. That hurts! Robot love is nothing for me (I hope!!!)” lovedancer

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I don’t know how I love. I question very often my ability to love an the work and depth of my feelings. I fell in love with different people. Theoretically I think I can love anybody, any gender. Practically until now it has been women and men. But I came to the point that I don’t define my love forms only by what already has been.

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I lived in a polyamorous relationship. I want to do it again but right now I fell so much in love with somebody that I only want to be with that person. Which does not mean I want them to be only with me… They have their own perception of relationships and loves. For me polygamy is an important form and I really appreciate it. If feels a lot more true and real. But what I experienced is that it becomes very hard if not everyone is really convinced and I hurt somebody by being with her even if my feelings might not have been so deep. But because of the other persons in my life I didn’t recognise. Since this I am afraid of committing into a relationship because I don’t trust myself… Rica

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I love loving. The love I feel for the people I love is a from of deep, intense connection and recognition of the other’s beauty. I love Marie for the person she embodies. I love Luca for his calm. I love them so much that my energy is hungry for them. This love expresses itself into a physical expansion: my whole body is asking for them. The blood that flows into my veins tries to reach their bodies. And this energy gets erotic: I desire the people I love. My sexuality is the expression of my love. When I have sex I love the person I’m with. So I definitely love and have sex (so, express my love) with several people - whatever kind of labelled relationship we entertain (identified as friendship or romantic love). LET’S LOVE. LET’S HAVE SEX. Agatha

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I love deeply. I live a heteronormative traditional way of love. I want to live an open relationship, a relationship that makes me happy. I associate illusion, innocence and fantasy with my first love. I experience love and sex mostly together. Yes, I think about other relationship forms other than monogamy. And the biggest challenge for me in this regard is insecurity and chaos. The craziest thing I did for love was to move to a different city. I don’t have any online-dating experience. How do you react to the fact that in other parts of the world people go for robot love?? with horror. Bibi