Ist das Leben dazu da sich schamfrei zu machen?

oday I met Jutta and Rainer, a couple who have been together for 20 years. Two people who have already had their very different love experiences. I was totally touched by the encounter: Both spoke so openly and free of shame. This makes me think: Do we have to be over 70 years old to finally find ourselves and accept ourselves with all our dark sides and finally stand before our partner? Or is it part of it that we have to go through all the painful experiences before we finally tackle our personal issues (which we have often carried with us since our childhood)? It is not the first conversation during my research with over 70-year-olds that makes me feel “now I am finally starting to live, to live my love and to be who I really am”. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being honest with yourself and your environment. That gives courage, the fear of old age gives way when I see it. Is life there to make oneself shameless? How does real intimacy actually develop?

Love takes different forms, sometimes it is more influenced by sexuality (passionate love), sometimes it is the functioning team in the foreground (stable, sustainable love) – that is totally dependent on the respective phase of life you are currently in, I think. Are you about to start a family or rediscover sexuality in other ways? But that doesn’t mean that you can’t do both at the same time. No matter how, there must be room for weaknesses and strengths. And then there are phases… It’s nice to see Jutta and Rainer discussing unpleasant things instead of ignoring them. There is space for not knowing, not knowing how to deal with it, not knowing what to do, whether in sexuality or in conflict resolution, it is ok to say everything and see together how it will be dealt with. I clearly felt that. Jutta drives great curiosity: she wants life, in the flow of life she wants to meet Rainer… with Rainer it is courage: to always be courageous, even if it becomes uncomfortable. I find it incredible how pure they are with themselves without being perfect, because it is part of this kind of purity to make mistakes.

‍

I also have a similar very authentic encounter with Mary: She clearly knows what she wants and above all what she no longer wants to experience. She, too, is over 70 and needed life to arrive where she is now: totally on her own. I like listening to her very much, she seems to be missing nothing. She chooses her life. I think that’s good.