The adherence to monogamy is far from reality.

teve writes:

“Hello Karolin, 

Is there still an interest in a conversation about what kinds of love are lived today? 

I moved to Freiburg last week and I would have time and desire to talk to you about the topic. 

Personally, I have been married for 30 years and my wife and I have agreed to go separate ways, but to stay connected for life. Our love has changed, our bond remains. Today I live in a polyamorous long-distance relationship with a transman.”

I met Steve and he told me his love story, which is his life story. I get to know him when he has just embarked on a completely new path in his life: a change of location, a change of job and the YES to a fresh love. The fact that he has courage and is so full of energy and curiosity looking forward to the new life is totally noticeable. 

“Then I simply noticed that what I had lived before no longer felt right. That holding on to monogamy, to eternal fidelity is far from reality.”

Some things I can understand very well. I also know the feeling of growing up in a small town (with him it was even a village) and totally falling out of line. My situation was very similar. As the mayor’s child, I had no desire at all to adapt to the norm. That affected many areas. So I dressed differently and created my own world views. Early on I thought about the topic of love. After all, I moved out of my home at the age of 15 in order to be able to live the way it feels good to me. Parents and society didn’t make it easy for me. For me that was an important step….at the age of 16 I lived with my first boyfriend.